'tis the season going to kick back tonight with a glass of chicken milk— charles austin (@skunkancienne) December 18, 2020
A VR game where you can fight your dad during his prime— Aaron Pequin (@Aaronpequin1) December 19, 2020
this is the Canadian citizenship test. https://t.co/MNIoEOaFo3— 1-888-4-JANCRO (@Russ_FTW) December 19, 2020
maybe the real stimulus check was the friendship we made along the way— kelly (@BoyYeetsWorld) December 19, 2020
My ex asked if I have a boyfriend, saying my daughter keeps talking about 'Jerome'. Jerome is our roomba.— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) December 18, 2020
sure canada has monthly stimulus and universal healthcare but think of all the freedom that its cost them— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) December 19, 2020
Just learned that Nuremberg is the world's gingerbread capital. This is not mentioned in the 1961 movie Judgment At Nuremberg.— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) December 20, 2020
Two guys named Spike in the entire world. Both movie directors.— Caleb Pitts (@Braingetter) December 20, 2020
All I have ever wanted from a yogurt is to know who the cows are. pic.twitter.com/45rP1whQgC— Jen Silverman (@_Jen_Silverman) December 19, 2020
I wish I lived in a country where Donald Trump committing high treason with Russia was treated with half the outrage and gravity of Dr. Jill Biden earning an advanced degree.— Andrea Junker ® (@Strandjunker) December 19, 2020
I'm closing my DMs I can't live like this anymore pic.twitter.com/vsUYvHV2zV— Lauren Bonner (@laurenybonner) December 19, 2020
my girlfriend talks in her sleep. i've noted them down for weeks, and turned her dreams into rupi kaur poems. pic.twitter.com/Pv3dsflgXQ— Harry Mitchell (@HarryIsLate) December 19, 2020
I'm not a public health expert, but surely vaccine delivery would be more efficient (and cheaper) if scientists crossbred the vaccine with the common wasp to create a "vaccine wasp" and released swarms of them in major cities— pixelatedboat aka "mr christmas" (@pixelatedboat) December 20, 2020
Jan. 1, 2021: We did it, guys! That awful year is behind us!— J.P. McDade (@jp_mcdade) December 20, 2020
Aug. 4, 2021: The snake wolves have taken Illinois. Here's what that means for Ohio volcano refugees.
"What else, what else... the covid vaccine. You heard about this? Some people think the government's gonna use it to chip them. Buddy, I've been chipped my whole life. Nobody checks that thing. And you move less than I do! What are they gonna track, your walk to the fridge?" pic.twitter.com/GRvtlHkl2L— Jake Borelli's cute little face stan account (@charliecherrim) December 21, 2020
$600 × 328 million = $196.8 billion— Spike Cohen (@RealSpikeCohen) December 21, 2020
This bill is for $900 billion.
Guess who's getting that other $700+ billion.
Well, it's taken over 800 years but the Brits are now banned from coming to Ireland 👀— Erin Ní Bhroin (@ErinNiBhroin) December 20, 2020
People who should've been vaccinated before Marco Rubio:— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) December 21, 2020
– my mom
– everyone's grandma
– everyone's grandpa
– every nurse
– every doctor
– every person who didn't spend the last ten months telling people this modern plague is "no big deal."
– Dolly Parton
GOP's 2020— Burns Like Whisky 🇺🇸 (@Scotch_Rox) December 20, 2020
Dec: Vaccine? ME FIRST!!!
martin shkreli trending does mean I get to talk about this again tho pic.twitter.com/i4OKACpVNc— sexy train lenin stan (@drea_carmen) December 21, 2020
I can't believe how clunky the original title was. pic.twitter.com/ue7WkZbYYl— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) December 20, 2020
I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE pic.twitter.com/HSG7qYYy0d— Savvy☭ (@sleepisocialist) December 20, 2020
I don't understand. $ 600 is it?? In New Zealand we got $600 every week for months until we were all back at work. Our little country can do it and the wealthiest country in the world can't?? WTAF— Lols J ~💙 (@lolsjou) December 21, 2020
FINALLY clothing for those of us with cold arms and hot tits pic.twitter.com/k6VrA6ebXI— Amanda ✨J❄️Y🎄 Deibert (@amandadeibert) December 22, 2020
my joker origin story is that junior year of high school i had no prom date so i had to take group photos with my friend's dad pic.twitter.com/ERzU34BMpQ— trash jones (@jzux) December 21, 2020
the "ice cream of the future" coming through pic.twitter.com/5lFtA8ucBJ— alex (@alex_abads) December 22, 2020
What is this, my ex boyfriend's house???? pic.twitter.com/Jv1xtpnzse— mean uncle jack (@meanunclejack) December 21, 2020
Fellas, is it sexist to say someone is rich? pic.twitter.com/oASqWdMq9q— Fairy Gothmother, MD (@jenny2x4) December 22, 2020
happy birthday jane fonda, a living legend at 83 pic.twitter.com/aapS9MsToT— ellie (@ryderskravitz) December 21, 2020
Obsessed that these homes are the same price pic.twitter.com/QA6UujX7Sj— Hunter Reis (@hunterreis) December 21, 2020
If he's the grinch i'd hate to meet the frownch— josh 'Lettermas' (oldfriend99) (@oldfriend99) December 21, 2020
D: $2000 checks— Keith Edwards (@keithedwards) December 23, 2020
R: $600 checks?
D: $1200 checks
R: $600 checks?
D: $600 checks.
R: $2000 checks! Take it or leave it!
i'm so happy for her pic.twitter.com/xLYNL25Y16— s t e p h e n (@tescocans) December 22, 2020
My granny telling ppl I fix phones bc I turned her brightness up 😭😭— Kjay 🅿️ (@lilkjay12) December 22, 2020
IQ test came back negative 🙌🏻— Sparkling Dumbass 🐺 (@KnabeWolf) December 22, 2020
yeah sex is cool but what about when you're cutting wrapping paper and it goes ——— instead of ~~~~~— Rachel (@femaleredhead) December 22, 2020
my opinion on chess is that the horse is lowkey gay for moving around like that— ɦǟʀɮɨռɢɛʀ օʄ ʀɨɢɦȶɛօʊֆ ֆաǟɢ (@rodentsheriff) December 23, 2020
The end of this tiktok is maybe the hardest I've ever laughed pic.twitter.com/XhDowMP7lT— Kristin Chirico (@lolacoaster) December 22, 2020
Maybe just this once, just for this Festivus 2020, we take pass on the "Airing of Grievances"..— Jerry Seinfeld (@JerrySeinfeld) December 23, 2020
why doesn't anyone want to buy the milk from my all-bull farm https://t.co/CV6sFdGevC— sissy teigan (@bloodberry_tart) December 23, 2020
whole new type of guy in my dms pic.twitter.com/s4ggYEURIM— wheatus apologist (@_ghostfuneral) December 23, 2020
Weird Al Yankovic just won 2020. pic.twitter.com/dvcxbf8Rr5— Tim Fullerton (@TimFullerton) December 23, 2020